


It Only Gets Worse

by orphan_account



Category: Eyewitness (US TV)
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Grief/Mourning, Hospitals, M/M, Sadness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-15
Updated: 2017-01-15
Packaged: 2018-09-17 13:48:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,840
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9327443
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: It's my fault... It's all my fault.Helen tells Philip that his mom is dead, and Philip's entire world seems to come crashing down. Lukas doesn't know how to comfort him, but he tries.(Takes place before the time jump in episode ten)





	

_It's over. It's finally over._

Philip let his eyes slide shut with hesitant exhaustion. He felt like he was hit with a car, or at least like he was kidnapped, thrown in the back of one, held at gunpoint, and then witnessed the guy who tormented him for weeks get two bullets put in his chest by his very own foster mom. To say he was tired was a huge understatement. But Lukas was stable, Ryan Kane was dead, and it was all over. For the first time in a long time, Philip could let himself sleep. 

~~~

Muffled voices made their way into Philip's dream. 

_Just let him sleep for a little bit longer._

_We need to tell him-_

_Just give him some more time-_

_It'll only get harder the longer we put it off._

_Oh god, that poor boy..._

"Philip, honey, you need to wake up," Helen's hesitant voice roused Philip from his dreams. 

"Wha- Helen?" Philip shielded his eyes from the bright hospital fluorescents as Helen gently shook him awake. He rubbed the rest of the sleep from his eyes and groggily stared up at his foster mom. Concern was clearly etched into her face as well as something else... sadness? 

Philip felt his breath catch. "Is Lukas okay? W-what happened?" He stared wildly around him. Lukas was just getting out of surgery when Philip fell asleep. Surely nothing went wrong; didn't he just rip his stitches?

"No, Lukas is okay. He's fine," Gabe spoke up behind Helen, his expression mirroring her's. Philip fully sat up in the chair he was using as a makeshift bed outside Lukas's room. 

He shook his head and scrunched up his face in confusion. "Then... then what's wrong?" 

Helen chewed on her bottom lip, her eyes darting everywhere except for Philip's face. Gabe set a firm hand on her shoulder and nodded to her. She sighed wearily before finally meeting Philip's eyes. Her eyes were wet, and for the first time Philip noticed that they were rimmed with red, as if she'd been crying. 

"Philip... it's your mother," she whispered. But... that didn't make any sense. What about his mom? His stomach squirmed uncomfortably. She was at rehab. She was fine, _she was fine._

"Philip..." Philip searched her face. What was she saying? "Philip, I went to your mom's rehab center and she... Ryan got there first."

Philip's face went slack. Suddenly, everything flooded back into his brain and he was very awake. The text messages. _He was at their apartment._ Philip's insides turned to lead. No... no.

"She didn't make it. I'm so sorry Philip," Helen's hand that was still on his shoulder was shaking, and the tears that were trapped behind her eyes were free now. But Philip didn't hear her. He didn't hear anything. Everything was numb. The air was being sucked from his lungs but Philip couldn't do anything about it. Gabe set his hand on Philip's arm and squeezed. Everything was happening in slow motion, as if time was stuck in tar.

Suddenly, someone turned the volume back on and everything crashed into him like an inferno. He couldn't breathe. He couldn't breathe. _His lungs were burning._

"You're lying. Sh-she's okay." Philip gasped, shaking his head like that would make everything go away. "You're lying,"

"I'm so sorry Philip..." Helen grabbed his hand but he yanked it out of her grasp as if her skin burned him. He doesn't remember standing, but he was already pushing past Gabe and Helen.

"No!"

_No no no no no no..._

The hospital lights were making Philip's skin blister. The roar in his ears drowned out everything else. He needed to get out of here... He needed to... he needed. _Oh god he can't breathe._

Philip stumbled past Helen and Gabe, not quite sure where he was going. He just needed to get out. The world was spinning around him and all Philip could do was run. Someone was yelling. He pushed past someone else, a nurse probably, and kept going down the hallway. It stretched in front of him like a black hole, pulling him further and further. Footsteps chased after him, but they seemed so far away. He just needed to get out of there.

Philip's lungs squeezed, and before he knew what was happening, he was falling to the floor. He didn't feel the impact of the cold tile jarring up his arms. He didn't feel the pair of hands pulling at him, hugging him close to their bodies. Philip didn't hear Helen and Gabe calling to him. All he could feel was the scream that rose up in his throat, threatening to rip past his lips and the tears burning his still tired eyes. Philip's body wasn't reacting. Pain exploded inside of him and pushed out against the barriers of his skin, forming into a treacherous whimper that escaped past his lips. 

His hands were shaking and the spinning world around Philip blurred. A sob racked his body and hot tears left tracks through the dirt and sweat left on his face. He felt like his body had split down the middle, all his emotions spilling out of him. Helen clutched him to her chest, rocking him slowly and running her fingers through his hair. Gabe hugged them, his tears mixing with both of theirs. For a moment, the world seemed to stop and the air seemed to disappear. The happiness Philip felt in the motel had long since shattered into a million pieces, and is washed away by his tears down the hospital drains.

~ ~ ~

"Dad?" Lukas croaked. His throat felt like sandpaper, and his voice betrayed that. He swallowed uncomfortably. Lukas opened his eyes and tried to focus on his surroundings. 

"Lukas," Lukas felt a sturdy hand slip into his. Bo moved over his son, who was just waking up for the first time after surgery, and stared down into his still-unfocused eyes. He brushed away the strands of hair that were plastered to Lukas's forehead with sweat "Are you okay, son? Do you need anything?"

"Where's Philip?" Lukas felt the hand tense for a second and he could hear his dad let out a weary sigh. The hospital room was finally becoming less blurry.

"He's with Helen and Gabe," Lukas searched his father's face. Something was wrong. 

"Is he okay?" Panic flared in Lukas's chest and _he needed to see Philip._ "D-did he get hurt? Did the killer-"

"No, no, Philip's alright. And the killer- er, Ryan- is dead. Helen shot him. You're safe now, son," Lukas let out a breath of relief. He nodded and felt sleep tug at his bones. He was safe. Lukas felt a warm, numbing feeling seep through his body. But maybe that was the painkillers. He let his eyes close again as exhaustion took it's hold. _Everything's gonna be okay..._

~~~

A very sharp pain shot through Lukas's right shoulder. _What the hell?_ He opened his eyes and was immediately greeted by the yellow hospital lights. He fumbled with a the button that was supposed to give him painkillers. After another second, the throbbing pain subsided. Lukas's mouth was still drier than the Sahara though, and soon he found himself craving water with every inch of his body. He coughed.

Lukas felt the sheets rustling and a small whimper to his left. Someone grabbed his hand. Lukas turned his head to see a mop of tussled brown curls. _Philip!_ Warmth once again flooded through his body at the sight of the other boy. Philip had his face down on the bed, tucked underneath Lukas's arm. Lukas smiled warmly. 

He squeezed Philip's hand before sliding it out from underneath him and running it through the boy's hair. Philip reached for his arm again and moved his head so that Lukas could see his face. 

Philip's face was puffy and red, like he had spent the last couple hours crying. He grabbed Lukas's hand again and held on for dear life. His eyes were squeezed shut, but fresh tears had already forced their way out. A cold lump settled in Lukas's stomach. He wasn't hurt was he? _But dad said he was okay... why was he crying?_

"Philip... are you alright?" It was a stupid question, but Lukas had no idea what else he was supposed to say. Philip's face scrunched together as another wave of sobs took over. He buried his face in Lukas's side and slowly pulled the rest of his body onto the hospital bed. Lukas scooted over awkwardly to let him slide in next to him. He weaved his arm around Philip and pulled him close.

"Philip, please, what's wrong?" Growing anxiety and concern gripped his throat. The other boy said nothing and just sobbed into his side, gripping Lukas's hospital gown in a tight fist. Philip's body shook with violent sobs and Lukas wished he could do more to comfort him.

"Ph-Philip..." 

Philip took a couple shaky breaths before swallowing. "M-my mom... sh-she..." Philip shuddered and clutched Lukas against him even more. "He k-killed her."

Lukas felt like someone knocked all of the air out of his body. _Philip's mom... dead?_ Lukas tried to turn over to face Philip, but the wires attached to him and another jab of pain prevented him from doing so. Instead he moved his head until it was resting on Philip's. He was crying again, by now Lukas's shirt had a large wet spot from his tears, but Lukas didn't care. He kissed the top of his head and squeezed his eyes shut. Lukas's voice came out in a choked whisper. "I'm so _sorry_ Philip..."

Philip was still, and for a minute Lukas would have thought he'd fallen asleep if it weren't for his shallow breaths and low whimpers. His voice was so quiet that Lukas almost didn't hear him. "It's my fault. It's my fault she's dead."

Shock made Lukas's eyes spring open. _What? How could he think that?_ "Philip...no. This is not your fault. None of this is your fault. Don't you dare think that," Lukas squeezed Philip's body, but he was shaking his head.

"Y-yes it is," Philip's voice rose louder with each word. "I hurt everyone I c-care about. Everyone close to me g-gets messed up, and it's all my f-fault. It's all my fault."

He had pulled away from Lukas now, desperately wiping away the tears that were running down his face. 

The hospital door cracked open and Gabe and Helen slipped into the room. Gabe gently grabbed Philip's shoulders and pulled him away. "Come on, son. I think it's time for you to come get some rest," Philip looked like he wanted to argue, but he let Gabe escort him out anyways. 

Lukas said nothing. Dread clutched at his lungs as sadness sank its teeth into his skin. The door closed with a hollow thud, and Lukas was alone with the image of Philip, broken and crying seared into his brain. His words echoing in the empty room.

_It's my fault. It's all my fault._


End file.
